In Treatment

I just finished watching the first 5 episodes of the "In Treatment" Season 1. I almost wanted to stop watching it after the first episode, but then continued on the next, only to find myself getting addicted to continue. The series is profound in its writing and content. I just have such a hard to time believing there really are viewers out there today who are willing to watch a HBO series that literally has whole episodes of just sessions of psycho therapy, making it pretty much a dialogue drama. It's really exciting to see something so different. Anyhow, I didn't start this blog entry to review the show. I was in a bad mood when I first started watching it. There's been thoughts about loneliness again and I'm feeling afraid that it's the way I'm built, despite the circumstances. And again, it's not about have a ton of people who care about you and love you, etc. It's mostly the fact that I often don't have an output. No one on the receiving end. I do, but perhaps I'm not using them as the resource to do so because I don't know how to. And then it always comes back to why focus on myself. My energy should be out there and not inside all the time. I mean I have the ability to be happy, as everyone does, but why do I always trap myself for no reason at all?

Perhaps, the answer will come tomorrow, after a good night sleep.